
According to the Danville News, a group calling itself the Danville, VA Tea Party on December 17 hired a plane with a 100-foot banner that said, "OBAMA STOP DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY" in five-foot tall letters, to fly over Washington D.C. The message reportedly cost $1,350 dollars paid to New York-based Arnold Advertising.
Tea Party Protest: The FlyoverEXT. CRYSTAL CITY, VA. MORNING. HYATT REGENCY HOTEL
INT. HOTEL ROOM
From a high floor overlooking the Potomac River, Danville, VA Tea Party Project Coordinator Susan Lee is with a small group of fellow Danville Tea Party members crowded around a window. She has a cell phone pressed to her ear. The group seems giddy with nervous anticipation.
TEABAGGER 1: Shhhh!!! There it is!
SUSAN: Where?
The group presses closer to the window, necks craning.
TEABAGGER 2: I see it too! There on the right!
A small plane appears high in the morning sky, a banner "OBAMA STOP DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY" in tow.
A loud cheer engulfs the room, high-fives and whoops of joy!
SUSAN (speaking into the phone): Oh God, Robert, it’s beautiful! Do you see it yet?
Susan raises her hand and waves it to quieten the teabaggers.
SUSAN (to group): He says he doesn’t see it but he’s looking. (Into the phone) Robert? Anything?
Silence.
SUSAN: Whooooop! He sees it! He sees it!
Another cheer erupts in the hotel room, more high-fives, raucous laughter.
SUSAN: (Into phone) What? (She waves her hand again) Shhhhhhh! (Into phone) What do you mean? Uh huh. Right. (She sags visibly, frowning) Uh huh.
TEABAGGER 1: Susan, what’s the matter?
SUSAN: (Still speaking into phone) Well, can’t they just fly back over?
TEABAGGER 1: Fly back over?
TEABAGGER 2: Susan.
TEABAGGER 3: What’s going on?
SUSAN: (Into phone) Well, I guess we didn’t think of that, did we? No. No. I understand. Thank you, Robert. Goodbye. (She shuts cell phone and tosses it onto the hotel room’s king size bed)
TEABAGGER 1: Susan?
SUSAN: Well, he wasn’t watching.
TEABAGGER 2: What do you mean?
SUSAN: (Testily) I mean, Carl, President Obama – who do you think I mean? — He wasn’t watching.
TEABAGGER 1: Goddamnit!
TEABAGGER 3: Let me get this straight.
TEABAGGER 1: Goddamnit!
TEABAGGER 3: You don’t think he saw the banner?
SUSAN: Robert was standing right across the street from the White House. No one came to the window. No one!
TEABAGGER 2: Not even Biden? Christ almighty.
TEABAGGER 1: Goddamnit!
TEABAGGER 3: What’re we gonna do?
SUSAN: (Looking in purse, she pulls out a wad of bills and starts counting) I have $43, no, $48 dollars and 25, 75, 81, 2, 3, 4 cents.
TEABAGGER 3: I'll get Arnold Advertising on the phone.
*This post was adapted from a comment I originally posted on The Awl.
We'd been hanging out all night at Van Hoose's drinking beer and doing whiskey shots while some middle-aged country band played half-assed covers. Her name was Tammy. Including us and the band, might have been eight people in the place. This was 1993 or so. I had been kicked out of college earlier in the fall and gone back to Kentucky for work, mostly because I didn't want to hang around Annapolis going to college parties and explaining why I'd been kicked out of school. I found a job as a reporter at a local weekly newspaper called The Bourbon Times. I really liked telling my friends back at school I was a reporter for The Bourbon Times. I thought it sounded cool. Everyone has had bourbon. And everyone has had times. Put them together and that's where I worked. Anyway, so we're hanging out at Van Hoose's getting drunk and before long there's nothing left to do but head across the street to my apartment above the carpet store. I pretended to be interested in putting together some drinks. Tammy pretended to be interested in my books. "Damn, you sure do like to read," she said. Then we pretended to be interested in each other. "How long you lived in Paris?" I asked. "Twenty-four years," she said. "No, twenty-five," she quickly corrected herself. "I forgot. I turned twenty-five in June."
Tammy was way better than me in bed, more experienced, more confident. After I'd made a few clumsy efforts to control things she took over and just told me what to do. It was a relief. She directed me to take her from behind. That was when I realized she had a tattoo above her ass in a purplish script that read, simply, Henry, with a little swirl just below the name. Thank you, Van Hoose's, I thought. My first threesome. Here we are; just me, Tammy and Henry… doggystyle. Henry. Henry. Tammy was getting more energetic, more vocal. Maybe it's because she's not constantly being confronted by
Henry, I thought, who for me was beginning to take on a more dominating presence; faceless, yet real, maybe even more real than me. After all, I didn't have any tattoos. Tammy had Henry. Henry. Henry. Henry. Henry. Goddamn, I thought, I'm really giving it to Henry. Henry. Henry. Tammy was talking dirty now. A lot of "Oh yeah's" and "Harders." Soon, I was talking too. "That's right, gimme that Henry." I knew, even as it was happening, as I was saying this thing, that it was wrong, that it would have repercussions, negative ones, but I couldn't stop. "Gimme that Henry, baby," I said, louder. "Gimme that Henry. Work that Hen- "
She was furious, but said nothing as she got dressed. "I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't – "
"Asshole," she said evenly, looking at the floor, with far less violence in her voice than the way she had been throwing her clothes on. She left without looking at me once or saying another word.
Seventeen years later and I still don't have any tattoos. I'm not opposed to them, I've just never felt strongly enough about anything to want to get it permanently inked on my body. When I think about Tammy, I realize that's probably the saddest thing in the world that anyone could say about themselves; that they've never felt anything deep enough to want to possess it forever, even in some small, insignificant way. And if I was really a man, I'd go out tonight and get a tattoo on my arm or chest or somewhere that read, simply, Tammy, with a littler swirl just below the name.
***
Note: Joel Johnson imagined what this little story might be like as a piece on This American Life. (RT @joeljohnson What happens when you read The Awl comments like it's a TAL episode: http://www.sendspace.com/file/rvkgzb (Apologies, Kentucky-accented.)). Alternatively, you can download it here via Box.net.